Sherlock's Senseless Speculations
by miss-skiffins
Summary: Sherlock looks back on some of his experiences with John. Will be a collection of drabbles.
1. Chapter 1: The Work

**Sherlock's "Senseless" Speculations**

**Summary**: Sherlock looks back on some of his experiences with John. (Will be collection of drabbles.)

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I don't own _Sherlock _or _Sherlock Holmes_.

**Chapter 1: Work**

_John, erm... I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I'm flattered by your interest, I'm really not looking for any..._

He had said that right before he got to know Dr. John Watson.

Oh, sure, he knew about John's previous work and his family.

He knew that John had a incessant desire for danger.

But he didn't know John then like he does now.

In fact, he didn't know John nearly as well as he would just a day later.

Angelo's was just meant to "prove a point" in the beginning, but it turned out to provide more evidence than it was originally planned to. The conversation was predictable, as usual. He knew almost every word that would come out of John's mouth before John would have. The thing was that for the first time in his life he hadn't conjured up _his_ response so quickly.

For the first time in a long, long while he had to fight that little part of his mind that attached importance to each and every insignificant thing that happened.

For the first time in his entire life…he lost.

And that was why his mind palace had become stuffed with each and every syllable of every inconsequential conversation that Sherlock had held with John since that dinner.

It was an obnoxious waste of space, and it was interfering with his work.

This "work" had been his sole source of happiness before, but now he seemed to care about his work for other reasons…

He couldn't help but feel a pang of joy when John would say "brilliant" and "fantastic." And "dashing about" (as Mrs. Hudson would say) with John had this excitement that Sherlock's solitary excursions didn't. Because of this, he found himself taking on simpler cases than usual, just for the sake of solving them with John.

His relationship with his work was meeting some interference… and he wouldn't say that he minded.

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	2. Chapter 2: The Room Upstairs

**Sherlock's Senseless Speculations**

**Summary**: Sherlock looks back on some of his experiences with John.

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I don't own _Sherlock _or _Sherlock Holmes_.

**Chapter 1: The Room Upstairs**

_What Point?_

_You. Mrs. Hudson! Dr. Watson _will _take the room upstairs._

Why had he said it like that? Honestly. It wasn't as if he had expected him to use _his _bedroom. He had known that they were to be just roommates.

Ugh, he was starting to sound like a dopey teenage girl.

However, if he was honest with himself, he had some curiosity over why John put up with him.

It couldn't just be because he was nice. No, he had met plenty of "nice" people before. Most of them ended up like Donovan in the end, or worse.

To tell the truth, Lestrade was probably the only person in the world besides John and Mycroft that "put up with him."

John had told him of what Lestrade had said after being asked why he put up with him.

_Because I'm desperate, that's why. Because Sherlock Holmes is a great man, and I think one day—if we're very very lucky—he might even be a good one_.

It was like Lestrade thought that Sherlock was a going to transform into a beautiful butterfly or something.

John didn't expect him to change, though. He had learned not to expect much of anything when it came to emotions and Sherlock after the "Great Game."

The thing was, Sherlock knew that he expected John to change. In what way, he did not know, but he had a feeling that he would find out soon enough.

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	3. Chapter 3: The Impossible Equation

**Sherlock's Senseless Speculations**

**Summary**: Sherlock looks back on some of his experiences with John.

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I don't own _Sherlock _or _Sherlock Holmes_.

**The Impossible Equation**

_You were going to take that damn pill weren't you.  
Of course I wasn't. Biding my time. Knew you'd turn up.  
No you didn't. That's how you get your kicks isn't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever.  
Why would I do that?  
Because you're an idiot._

It wasn't until he met Watson that he realized that he wasn't as smart as he had thought.

He had always watched people from afar. He never had bothered getting to know anyone personally. This was how he had convinced himself of his genius all of these years.

He had never put himself into his little equation before, because he had never mattered to it. Sherlock always knew what he himself was going to do, so why should he bother predicting anything having to do with himself. It wasn't like anyone had cared for him before. And he wasn't bothered by this fact. He had never cared about people's reactions to him before either. In fact, he had never considered the idea of a reaction (other ones like Donovan and Anderson had) towards him.

He had _certainly _never considered the idea of someone saving his life, and he couldn't comprehend why someone would.

Then John came along, and he realized just how messed up a solution can get after entering yourself into the problem. It was practically impossible to solve, at least for Sherlock it was.

Maybe he _was_ an idiot.

Practically everyone is, after all.


	4. Chapter 4: The Contradiction

**Chapter 4: The Contradiction**

_This is my friend John Watson._

_Friend?_

_Colleague._

_Right._

Was it bad that he'd felt offended when John had corrected him?

He was supposed to be Sherlock fucking Holmes. An unfeeling, insensitive, callous being.

He hadn't put the emphasis on "friend" just because Sebastien was fully aware of his friendless history, and Sherlock had wanted him to know that he had a friend now. No, he wasn't as childish as John always said he was. He had done so because of John's reaction to that hopeless romantic, Angelo. He had wanted to make sure that John didn't have to repeat "I'm not his date" for the umpteenth time,

The question was, had this been a remarkable instant of selflessness on Sherlock's part, or an attempt to spare himself unnecessary pain.

Pain. What a stupid thought. Pain was a physical ailment, not something intangible like an emotion.

But if he was honest with himself, it had hurt. It hurt worse than all of the physical pain.

The roles had become swapped. He used to be able to deal with mental/emotional pain but unable to deal with physical pain, but after being a consulting detective and having near-death experiences regularly he had realized that physical pain was temporary and that he could deal with temporary suffering. The emotional pain didn't stop, though. It didn't matter how many cases he took on.

It had always been there, right by his side, unraveling the mysteries with him.

If he had wanted to, he could have rid himself of the physical pain easily, but the emotional pain had been unavoidable. Unless, of course, he chose to go back to drugs. He had refused to do this, though. He had decided to fight his desire to take the easy way out.

Why?

Because he would have done anything to get John to admit that they were more than just "colleagues."

He knew this after he'd heard John contradict him that first time.


	5. Chapter 5: The Fact Check

**Chapter 5: Fact Check**

_That does seem the only explanation of all the facts._

_Wrong. It's one possible explanation of some of the facts. You've got a solution that you like but you're choosing to ignore anything that doesn't comply with it._

Sherlock had originally intended this to simply confirm that the case wasn't just another "city suicide," but now that he had time to think about it, he found that this applied perfectly to his relationship with John. It was funny how most of the time his emotions seemed to integrate themselves into his conversation without him intending them to.

Wait, that wasn't funny… that was actually quite disturbing.

Sherlock was a firm believer in "think before you speak." He considered "speaking" an action that should only be done if absolutely necessary.

Emotions were far down on his list of necessary topics for discussion. They were right down there with discussing John's date with the boring teacher (or whatever girlfriend he had now) and how "great" Anderson's new haircut looked (in fact, it had only highlighted the distracting abilities of his face).

After all of his time away from 221B, he'd had time to think this opinion over, though, and he couldn't help but wish he had said certain things when he'd still had the chance.

Like thanking Mrs. Hudson for all of the housekeeping that she did, despite not being his housekeeper.

Like thanking Irene for giving him the puzzle that saved him from completely returning to his useless, drug-addicted self.

Like telling John that they needed to stop ignoring anything that didn't comply with their preferred solutions.

They needed to stop ignoring the fact that Sherlock had saved John from withering away.

Stop ignoring the fact that John had opened up a whole new side of Sherlock which nobody had ever seen before.

Stop ignoring those stolen glances that communicated more than words ever could.

And yet, these stolen glances were useless without the word of affirmation that neither of them were ever courageous enough to utter.

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